Trust, idealism, and all that other gooey stuff!

I’ll admit it…..I’m idealistic and usually trust people even when it may not be in my best interest to do so. Why do I do it? I’m starting to wonder myself. I know that if I these traits make up the core of my personality, which I don’t think deep down I can change. Sadly, today I lost some trust for people in my life…..albeit for a while and not forever!

So today, as I was quite sad thinking of this lost trust issue I was pondering what the different dictionaries defined trust as. I was also wondering if we use trust in different settings in different ways. Do we as humans withhold trust naturally in a situation unknown to us as an automatic defense mechanism or do we learn to be distrustful?? I’m not sure of this answer and will keep thinking about it as I look up definitions.

The Merriam-Webster dictonary defines trust as 1 a : assured reliance on the character, ability, strength, or truth of someone or something b : one in which confidence is placed

Urban Dictionary defines trust as meaning that you are weak and cant just say what you want. No one in the world is trustworthy. Trusting someone is pretty much telling them that they can do whatever they want and you will not question them.

Now obviously the urban dictionary is made up of definitions that we send its way and I could have found a lovely definition like the Webster version dealing with trust as well. Sadly, I think some people (me for a while after today) go into situations thinking of trust in the urban dictionary kind of way. How or can we change the way people think about the feeling of trust? How does a person truly regain trust once it’s been lost?

Tomorrow, I want trust to mean assured reliance on the character, ability, strength, or truth of someone!As an idealist, at least as the start of the day it will! I think it would be a great honor to have someone call me trustworthy….but only in the Webster sort of way!

 

Walgreen’s Christmas Card Glory!

So I’m doing a first…..yes that’s correct I’m going to create a Christmas card that I can send to all of my friends. You know the one that everyone sends that features their kids, significant others, pets, jobs, basically all the cool stuff in their life. Just because I don’t have any of the stuff doesn’t mean that I am not invited to the Walgreen’s card creating coolness- or does it?? Well I’m doing it cause quite frankly I have a great idea that is going to get at least a smile from its recipients if not full-fledged laughing. Just you wait you will see. Intriged?? I suppose you will just have to leave me a message with your address and you too will be able to witness this sarcastic/funny card yourselves. (After all, as you well know I am not the most tech-savy person to ever develop a blog so I don’t know how to post it when I actually finish it!)

On a separate note-Jonathan I did get some boots for Christmas so there! They are cute and more importantly warm! I need warmth….lots of it!

PS-My sister is flying home tomorrow and I’m excited….I have been feeling like a caged bird lately so I’m glad to have someone else around! Yea!

 

Random pieces of thought!

Hey all my faithful followers….(this means my family and one or two random people that find this page by accident) thanks for stopping by. I know that I have been mia for quite some time. I am back and ready to write! I may have been in a little funk..something about receiving 19 rejecting letters in the first 6 days of Novemeber might have done it to me! (I’ve gonna stop counting)

So I’ll admit it I’ve been slacking off a wee nah major bit. Not sure it it was a funk or just that I really was getting plum tired of running on a treadmill…..although I was feeling better than I had in a long time. So why did I stop for almost three weeks?? I think it is easier to admit failure through lack of trying rather than failure through killing yourself for something that might just not happen. My point being…..I set a goal to run the Disney Marathon in January a long, long time ago. I was motivated well until three weeks ago. I was all into the raising the bar bit hard core. (I’m kinda like that where I get so into one thing that I can’t do anything else until I accomplish that task–don’t believe me ask my sister I’m sure she’ll tell you stories!)

Well dang it I apparently am taking the glorious quote “What would you do if you knew you couldn’t fail?” literally with this marathon bit even though it is entirely possible that I may fail to finish and starting back up with the running.  Blargh some days I hate myself for raising the bar!!

Also had a lot of time to think about good things in my life. Yesterday was my 30th birthday which will bring the reflective thought out of anyone I pretty much guarentee it! It’s odd what got me…..one would think that when turning 30 I would have thought about what I haven’t accomplished a) not being married b) or having kids but nope the thing that bothered me the most was that I am back in my hometown. It doesn’t even bother me all that much that I don’t have my dream full-time  job. (although I have a rockin’ part time one). The hometown bit (and I really do think my hometown rocks and have mad love for it) feels a big stagnant. It was the big-time unexpected part of not finding a full-time job as fast as I would have wanted (and for me that would have been having an offer in hand when I received my degree-see I’m not one for patience). I guess it makes sense with all the raising the bar bit and not settling part of my persona lately…..just odd that this is what bothered me on my day of becoming a wee bit older. On another front….my friends and family totally are the GREATEST ever…..I love love love them and wouldn’t be myself without them!

In this cornucopia of randomness (thought a good Thanksgiving word would be appropriate) I have been thinking a lot about motivation and what motivates people. I am currently a GED instructor and although the curriculum is pretty much set it is a lot like I remember school being like… a place that many of my students did not like. I have had this slightly brilliant (ok that might be a tad generous statement) idea that I am going to incorporate math and reading centers into class, where students can see real life practical applications. This all came to me after someone told me “Math is not real to me!” Folks if I had even a penny for how often this phrase is uttered to me I could honestly afford some hot boots I have been looking to buy without an ounce of guilt! So this is my “raising the bar” bit for my class. I will update you on the brilliance/epic fail that this idea will turn out to be! (and if you want to donate to my boot fund I will gladly accept any and all donations!)

Lastly, I am sooo stoked to be getting an actual ipod! I have never in my 30 years had one of these pieces of genius but now with all the awesome updates (ie…pedometer for running) I just can’t pass it by! I am splurging for the Red Nano straight from the Apple store. It has free engraving and I really probably will write something silly and regret it so I am mulling over what to have written. (one of the reasons I would never get a tatoo is because I am sooo indecisive….oh yeah and the pain that’s another deciding factor). So if any of you have something ecletic, funny, strange, or cool I should engrave make sure to post it!

I am decisive on the fact that I will have lots of song by the following artists on the cool little device…Owl City, Joshua Radin, One Republic, Brett Dennen, Lenka, Paramore, Switchfoot, Justin Nozuka, Brad Paisley and will throw in a few Lady Antebellum.

 

 

 

 

Boo to you and other fun sayings

A few weeks ago I had the wild opportunity to head to the land of sun and all things Mickey….Orlando, Florida. I had a great time hanging with my sister, eating food at the annual Food and Wine Festival, interviewing twice at a college in the area, and going to Mickey’s Not So Scary Halloween Party…which was perfect as I really dont like scary stuff. (I’m serious- surprises freak me out…scary stuff does too). (Bet you can’t believe I turn 30 next week?!)

Anyways nothing new to report…..except for the first six days of November I received 19 rejection emails. Seriously people someone wanna hire me!!!! I’m a good worker, forget that…… a great worker, and am tired of just laughing it off! Ever have a day when you think a good yell would help things out??? Yeah that was yesterday! I already didn’t really feel good and then I counted the rejection letters. Mind you I am usually pretty chill about these things after all I apply for all kinds of stuff that I might not be really qualified for. (also I’m thinking of writing a book- don’t take my idea) Yesterday was a no good horrible, very bad, rotten kind of Alexander type of bad……just wanted to scream. (where is the huge camp deep freeze when I need you-that worked all those summers ago)

And today I’ll admit I’m not all together pulled myself up and dusted off…..but I’m feeling much better. Also I believe some good stuff is about to come my way……and I will take it! I usually share but in the spirit of yesterday….I’ll take it all! The roller coaster has to slow down someday right??

In the spirit of pulling my bootstraps up here are some good things happening:

My sister is coming home for Thanksgiving!!! I’m super glad to have her come home and after begging and pleeding she is on a plane about two weeks from tomorrow. Whahoo…..without her I would have to buy my own pumpkin pie crust and that would be a grossity!

I found some great boots!!! *Jonathan aren’t you super excited??* Yea!! Thanks for the suggestions! I’ll try to post them soon!

On the path of a few new job leads…..please let one of these work out!!! Please!

 

Fireflies and other stuff I’m digging!

Just enough time for a short life update! I had a wonderfully great time visiting friends…spending most of the weekend worrying about trains, Monkeyious George (that’s Curious George to those of you who don’t speak three year old), and eating enough Julio’s chips to get my fix as they don’t make them here in Iowa. Ahh it was glorious! All the worries seem to melt away when I hear little voices plotting their next adventure and l sneak in one more hug!

Back to reality…..got two rejection phone calls today! Wasn’t news I was expecting but I seriously have been slacking off on the applications! (probably just balancing life and job applications) No worries friend I still apply for 3-5 daily. Anyways to keep myself smiling I am sharing with you cool new things I have found…………

Owl City has the greatest new song called Fireflies!!! Check it out! (Actually most of the songs I really like-they are so chill and happy)

Also really digging knee-high boots….I need some suggestions on cool ones that don’t make me ridiculously tall! I found some but they are over 500 dollars which is way way way too much!!!

 

I don’t even like roller coasters!!!

When I think of roller coasters I think of being “I’ll be the designated purse holder so I don’t have to actually ride the ride” person. I like being that person. I don’t want to be the “I’m so cool I’ll ride anything” person only to find out that apparently throw up does not match my current outfit. But recently I’ve found myself being the second person.

Ever since the night I have a mini-meltdown (bet you’re glad you weren’t there for that one) I have actually gotten some calls back from colleges asking me for interviews. Some seem great some don’t but I have been taking them up…after all “when it rains apparently it pours” and for the longest time I was hanging out in the freakin’ Mojave desert. The stories I could share with you about the interviews and the people who interview me….just let me say that I never leave a campus without a story. Good thing I like stories eh?

Long story short I still don’t have a job but currently I have decided that life is NOT all about finding a job and that relaxing is better than ripping out my hair. So next week I’m off to visit my favorite friend and NOT job hunting at all….

 

Raising the bar-one hard step at a time!

So I’m really sorry I haven’t been blogging much lately. I really do have something to say but wanted to let it marinate for a few days before posting it here. (not that I have a huge readership-it might just make me feel better). My thoughts lately revolve around raising the bar and not taking the easy way out.

Currently (and luckily) I am working part-time doing something I love (teaching GED classes) while looking for my dream (live-with-it) job in higher education. Some days I just want to say forget it (ok more often than not honestly).

Some of the reasons why include…never hearing back from anyone  and if I do it’s an email saying I’m not qualified…seriously I have a master’s degree couldn’t someone hire me for a 30,000 dollar job….not asking for much. (a cute little loft in a decent sized city and maybe a kitten named Snakey-see I’m not a diva!) If I could only get an interview….oh well I know there are a lot of people applying for these jobs!

It would be easier to:

1) Stop applying to jobs….afterall I don’t hear back from many.

2) Be a sane person who doesn’t try to complete a marathon…but nope I’m committed

3) Feel sorry for myself while taking all kinds of naps and moping around the place.

But I’m trying to raise the bar/take the hard way out-if for no other reason than it will keep me from screaming very loudly!!

And believe me there are SOOO many days I want to take the easy way out (and sometimes I do) but for the most part I still believe that I am a qualified, well deserving candidate so I sloth on applying anywhere and everywhere possible. I just have to be the an optimist and believe that people are good and somewhere out there is a perfect job….well not a perfect job but one perfect for me. (I just wish it would come yesterday)

Besides the not having a job bit-life really is lovely and I’m happy. You might not have gleaned that from my post but I am! Employ me and I will be ecstatic!!!! (I’ll pay you)

 

Falling backwards without looking

I just had the greatest chat with a friend….which got me thinking about the importance of friendship. She was saying how important it is to have friends who you could “fall backwards without looking” and they would be there to catch you no matter what. Throughout this crazy thing I like to call a job search (or just sending resumes to the wind) I have been blessed with people who care…..and also some people who haven’t. Now I totally get that life is busy, we all think about what is directly related to us in our lives…..however this little saying makes me totally want to be someone’s net no matter what they are dealing with at that particular minute or how busy I think I am. A note, phone call, email message, heck a little text message could make the difference in a person’s day!

And thanks Re’ for reminding me that its ok to sometimes fall backwards without looking!! I appreciate you!!

On another front I am loving Joshua Radin’s music!!! Check it out! Amazing and calming…something my ever moving brain can appreciate!!!!!!

 

Full Circle

So tomorrow I start teaching GED again….after a 2 1/2 year break. This in and of itself should be interesting. Oh yeah and the fact that my math skills are not up to par….hmm at least I will have another story to tell about my lack of skills. As I think about returning to teaching these classes I remember, why I loved them in the first place. This was a job that I totally fell into a few years ago (i’m wondering where those jobs are now actually) and loved.

The biggest descriptor of this class was one of inspiration. I’m not sure about you but if I had been out of school for a period of time (actually any amount) I probably would not want to return. So when I took over teaching this class I found inspiration in every student. These students all had something to share with me….and I thought I was the teacher.

One evening we got to talking (as you find happens with me) and they suggested (really to the point of annoyance until I agreed) that if they could come back to school after many years (some had been out for over 20) I could go back to graduate school and earn a higher degree. I told them if they all worked hard and earned their GED I would do just that. I had to brush away tears at graduation when most of them were on that stage. (believe me I’m no crier…just ask my sister).

Many of those students passed went on to do great things. Great things by the world’s standards?? Maybe not! But to them, their families, and to me they inspired others to keep trying and never give up. Two and half years later, I  think back to that first class and now know that inspiration comes in all forms, from all places. I can’t wait to see how this class shapes up.

 

Me starting a blog????

Yeah I know that’s what I to said to myself when I decided to start this up. If you know me at all you know that I’m not really one to get all diary-esk and start sharing my deepest feelings and secrets with people I know, let alone random (but totally welcome) strangers. I actually had a blog last summer and I posted 5 whole times…but I blame that on the fact that 1) I was out of control busy and 2) didn’t feel like I had a voice to share.

So why now?? What’s changed? Well lots of things and nothing I suppose. I now have a master’s degree but no job….hmmm seems backwards to me. I see people in my same situation almost daily and feel that if we can all support each other through the transition of unemployment that would make it a wee bit better….or at least I hope so.

What do I like?? Let me start with the five things I actually hate strongly dislike. In no random order they are…snow, ice, mascots, grim reapers, and now John Gosselin. (on the JG front…I mean seriously wearing that Ed Hardy tiger shirt everyday does not equal cool!) So those are actually the only things I dislike.

Likes are many…some include….traveling, friends, working with college students, sarcastic comments (seriously if I had a greeting card brand it would titled Simply Sarcastic-still working on this dream-ha), running (Disney marathon ’10-cross your fingers), my awesome family, chats with my sister, pineapples, seafood, sushi, Texas, summer, beaches, music, people who are real, reality tv (I know I’m a sucker), Spring after intense Winters, guacamole, sharing life stories, my childhood camp, and laughing so hard I cry. Those are just a few!!!!

I like no thrive on interacting with people…I like hearing their stories, comparing life’s paths, and learning what makes you tick. Being unemployed has seriously hindered my time I used to spend chatting. I worked hard when I had a job I promise. I guess I’m just a social being (I have the greatest friends….this is no joke) and find this might be the way to connect to other people muddling through this great, glorious, sometimes wild thing we call life???

So I also like lists and sometimes I might even link cool sites….(well things I find cool) please forgive me in advance if some of the things I think are funny might not be your cup of tea. But seriously….this is just going to be a (hopefully) fun place where we can all rest our unemployment woes for a good laugh, roll our eyes at the silliness of our world, and leave (hopefully) feeling like we are not alone….after all isn’t that what we all want? Someone to share in the journey.

So this concludes my first entry…..tell me what you think?? Be kind I’m a newbie